My Hero

Today seemed like one of the longest days I have lived through since I can't remember when. It started out like most workdays do. I climbed out of bed and headed directly to the shower. Just as I entered the shower, I heard the phone ring. I could hear the blow dryer humming noisily in the other bathroom, so I knew my wife didn't hear it ringing. As I was soaking wet in the shower, there was nothing I could do except let it ring. I am not the most graceful human being, so at 6:30 am in a sleep haze, wet from the shower, attempting to make it to the phone before it stopped ringing would have been a disaster waiting to happen. I decided to let it go to voice mail.

5 minutes later, it rang again. I could hear that the blow dryer had stopped. Figuring it was my mother-in-law, I began to wonder what could have been so important. She would have waited for us to call back if it was something trivial. The phone stopped ringing after 2 rings this time, so I knew that my wife had answered it.

A minute later, the bathroom door popped open and in she came. When I pulled the shower curtain open, I could see her eyes were full of tears. She couldn't have stunned me more, if she had opened the door and belted me in the head with a brick, with what she told me next. "Zack was killed in Afghanistan on Saturday" My mind had instantly started spinning. It was as if I suddenly had amnesia. I remember that I asked her some question, but couldn't tell you what it was, or what the answer was. It is those split seconds in life that you realize that things are changed for ever. As if you are starting life over again, and don't know what the first step is. I honestly sat there in the shower thinking to myself, "Zack is dead, I am here in the shower and don't know what I am supposed to do next." I decided that finishing my shower was the only thing that I could do at that moment. I proceeded to absentmindedly squirt a good 4 ounces of shampoo into my palm before my mind caught up and told me to stop squeezing the bottle. I think I would have recovered quicker from the brick to the head.

Once finished with the shower, my body went into auto-pilot doing the morning ritual, while my mind worked on what "Zack is dead" meant. As the morning progressed, the gravity of the situation started pulling me down. I tend to withdraw when I am distressed. Knowing this, I try to conscientiously to be more open and talk about things.

My wife and I started calling the old crew that we still had numbers for. I called my friend Steve, who I hadn't talked to in a year. Steve, Zack and I were inseparable in high school and the years after as well. He hadn't heard the news yet, and sounded just as shocked when I told him. We talked for about ten minutes, and agreed to keep each other posted with whatever news we found out.

The rest of the day was an emotional roller coaster. I have to say I cried more by being touched by all of the good and heroic things that he did, than by hearing about his death. Zack had more heart than anyone I have had the privilege of knowing. He always followed his heart with every action he took. He was a live for the moment type of person, and I think that allowed him to get more out of life than those of us who have to make calculated, safe moves all of the time. He was always ready at a moments notice to go along with anything.

We planned to hike Mt. Chocorua in Tamworth one weekend day. It was an awesome day for a hike, sunny and clear and the temperature was just right. The mountain is just shy of 4000ft, and most of the trail is like a staircase. Neither of us were in the shape we were in during high school, when we used to hike every weekend. By the time we made it up, ate lunch, and headed back down, we were whipped. We both had bought new hiking boots the night before and didn't think of the consequences of breaking them in on a long hike. Luckily, at the bottom of the mountain is Lake Chocorua. The water was warm on that late summer's day, and our muscles thanked us for it. The feeling of near weightlessness granted by the water allowed our muscles to all relax at once.

Felling refreshed, we jumped back into the car and headed south on Route 16 back south. I lived in Concord at the time, so we were about an hour and a half away from home. I noticed a sign that said Portsmouth was X miles ahead. I said to Zack, "A fresh beer and and a big steak at the Portsmouth Brewery would be awesome right about now." I was basically just babbling, as I didn't have a dime to my name at that moment in time.

"YES! WE ARE GOING TO HAVE STEAK AND BEER. THAT IS SUCH AN AWESOME IDEA!!!", Zack said

"I was just kidding around Zack. I don't have any money for that.", I told him.

"I just got paid. I am buying you that steak. We are going to Portsmouth", Zack told me.

And that was that. The trip to Portsmouth was probably 80 miles round-trip out of the way, but that didn't matter. He had that on his mind now, and that is where we were going. That was just how he was too. He followed his heart, and always took care of his friends. When you think back on things, it is odd the parts that stick out. For some reason, I can remember clearly that the steak he ordered was supposed to come with "Texas Mopping Sauce". I don't know what that is, but he didn't get it. He finished his steak, then said to me, "Hey, I never got the Texas Mopping Sauce!" It was like a kid that choked down a box of awful cereal, only to realize that there was no prize at the bottom of the box. I offered to have the waitress bring him some, but he declined.

On the way back to Concord, his legs had turned to jelly from the hike and the long drive in a car with manual shift. I took over, and at that point my experience with a manual transmission was very limited. I felt bad for his clutch. As we got closer to Concord, I started to experience that awful thing that your body does when it knows you are close to your own toilet. It just wants to be home, so it starts putting on the pressure. We both had a huge laugh at this, because the closer we got to home, the worse I had to go, and the better my shifting got. Within 2 miles of my house, you would have thought I was an F1 driver the way I was shifting. Soiling myself was not the way I wanted to close that day.

So as I write, I realize that this could easily turn into a book. If I don't start to wrap this up, I will be writing 'til the wee hours of the morning.

Zack Tellier is my hero. He gave his life bravely, doing what he could to make a difference. He gave his life so that we could be here in comfort and safety. I cannot not thank him enough for what he has done for me in my life by being my friend. A day will not pass that I won't think of him and what he has given for all of us.


Article about Zack in the Union Leader